Flat out.

We all have our breaking points of realization. Whatever the means, or however you got there, we've all hit that wall at one time.

I'm hitting that wall.

I am a pathological liar.
I don't know what's real anymore. I don't know if what I'm saying is actually right, or completely made up in my head.

    As a kid, I created my own world in my head and things happened how I thought they really should have. The terrible things, the amazing things, etc. No one could reach me there. It was my safe place to be my own person. And now the consequences are that I still live in this fantasy world.


       I have the intense habit to find anything that could possibly be wrong, and dwell in it.
I'm so good at preaching to others on how to make things better, but hell, I can't even listen to my own fucking advice. All I've ever known was hurt, so why run from what I know?
It's gotten to the point to where I don't even know if what I say is wrong, is actually what's bothering me. I really have no idea.

   I get addicted too easily. To anyone and anything.
I NEED people to show me they care. And when they don't, I get unbelievably jealous. I start feeling like there has got to be something wrong with me. Like they can finally see how fucked up my mind is, and they run like everyone else has. Until a few years ago, I didn't have solid, loving friends like this. Is it wrong of me want them to show me love? No. Is it wrong that I thrive on it? Yes. Absolutely.

I don't know what the point of this is.
Maybe I'm just trying to put everything out so I can see what I'm really thinking.
This isn't what I wanted to say by any means.
Maybe nothing is wrong at all, and my mind is making me think something is.
The bottom line is, I don't know what's real.
I don't fucking know.

Right now, all I want is for some one to lay with me.
It's silly, and stupid. I know. But it actually makes me feel safer. It keeps my mind away from things.

I can't do this anymore.
I'm gone.